I've been biting my fingernails again. This is actually pretty bad on two accounts. The first being that I had kicked this disgusting habit over fifteen years ago! The second, which is way worse, is the fact that lately I have been trying hard to get my six-year-old to stop biting HIS fingernails. The obvious trail of thought is how can I get him to stop when he sees me doing it? And I totally get it, all those things he says to me when I tell him all the reasons he needs to stop. "I don't even realize I'm doing it." "I just can't stop." "I'll do my best, but will you be disappointed?" I remember trying to stop in grade school. Mostly, I remember my step-mom using the horrid-tasting nail polish to help me quit. But in the end... nothing worked for me. In the end, I quit when I quit... and it wasn't a conscious decision. My guess, by looking back, is that I just got too busy. What I need now, though, is a path forward. How do I quit? How do I get him to quit?
I'm not entirely sure why I started this post with the fingernail-thing. That actually isn't even remotely what I wanted to write about... and I've been working on composing this particular blog post for months in my head. Strange.
I really wanted to write about the school year, which, I know, is half over... but after the rough year we had last year... I NEED to get down my thoughts on this year. Of course, this is going to require a lot of going back, which is especially hard as my memory isn't as reliable as it once was... but I'm going to do my best.
Clara
After my experience from last year, realizing that the general education and special education teacher hadn't sat down to discuss Clara's IEP until I requested the meeting four weeks into the school year (after Clara was displaying undesirable behaviors in the classroom), I knew that I needed to not make that mistake again. I talked to the principal and requested a meeting with the teachers in the summer, the week before school started. The meeting, which the principal attended, left me with a warm feeling... like this was really going to be the right environment for Clara. In fact, I would have hugged her general ed teacher right then and there if I were the hugging type. So... fast forward to the first week in November, at Parent-Teacher conferences. Nothing but praise from the general ed teacher. In fact, Clara hasn't really needed any extra special ed services. Now here we are in the beginning of February and it's been relatively smooth sailing. She loves school. I don't mean to imply that she is displays model behavior all the time... but she has shown that she is capable of self-control (not that she employs it in every situation), which is a huge improvement over last year. I credit both her wonderful teacher as well as her own maturation. I hope that the remainder of the year flows along like this.
Lucas
Last year wasn't bad for Lucas, honestly. He loved his teacher and being in kindergarten. It was my perception of things that left it tainted. I didn't like the way his teacher talked down to me. I didn't like the way his teacher would tell me I should be concerned that he would wander around and then end up drawing at a table by himself, but never used her teacherly ways to guide him into interactive play. I spent the year going back and forth wondering and worrying if he needed to be tested for AS... because according to his teacher, he was displaying a lot of the characteristics. Let me just tell you that, yes, I know the Lucas that she was describing... but that wasn't the entire Lucas. I won't now (nor could I then) hide my pure joy at discovering that Lucas was placed with the teacher that Clara had for 1st grade. She was exactly what we needed then... and I feel that she is exactly what we need now. I'm in the classroom at least twice a month, and I know that we are seeing the entire Lucas!
Eli
Eli had a fantastic year last year. His preschool teacher last year was phenomenal. So, nothing this year was going to come close to comparing last year, so I immediately started questioning everything. Was putting him in a 3-day program vs. a 5-day program the right choice? Should I request a different teacher? When I realized that Eli was the oldest in the class... then I really started having concerns. Would he be getting kindergarten readiness skills in a classroom where all the other kids still had an additional year of preschool to go? When his teacher started showing concerns that he still sucked his fingers, he was quiet and shy, and tired easily, I wondered again... is she telling me this as a way to convince me he's not ready for kindergarten. Then at Back to School night, things turned around. I was able to have a conversation with his teacher and she quelled all of my fears. After a few more weeks, I really began to realize that she was the right fit for him and he is happy. Lately, she has even been working with him one-on-one to help strengthen his reading skills.
I really just can't believe how great this year has been so far. I also really believe that it took a year like last year to truly appreciate everything good about this year.
Now on to this bad habit breaking business. Wish me luck.
