Our banner year... so far.

I've been biting my fingernails again.  This is actually pretty bad on two accounts.  The first being that I had kicked this disgusting habit over fifteen years ago!  The second, which is way worse, is the fact that lately I have been trying hard to get my six-year-old to stop biting HIS fingernails.  The obvious trail of thought is how can I get him to stop when he sees me doing it?  And I totally get it, all those things he says to me when I tell him all the reasons he needs to stop.  "I don't even realize I'm doing it."  "I just can't stop."  "I'll do my best, but will you be disappointed?"  I remember trying to stop in grade school.  Mostly, I remember my step-mom using the horrid-tasting nail polish to help me quit.  But in the end... nothing worked for me.  In the end, I quit when I quit... and it wasn't a conscious decision.  My guess, by looking back, is that I just got too busy.  What I need now, though, is a path forward.  How do I quit?  How do I get him to quit? 

I'm not entirely sure why I started this post with the fingernail-thing.  That actually isn't even remotely what I wanted to write about... and I've been working on composing this particular blog post for months in my head.  Strange.

I really wanted to write about the school year, which, I know, is half over... but after the rough year we had last year... I NEED to get down my thoughts on this year.  Of course, this is going to require a lot of going back, which is especially hard as my memory isn't as reliable as it once was... but I'm going to do my best. 

Clara

After my experience from last year, realizing that the general education and special education teacher hadn't sat down to discuss Clara's IEP until I requested the meeting four weeks into the school year (after Clara was displaying undesirable behaviors in the classroom), I knew that I needed to not make that mistake again.  I talked to the principal and requested a meeting with the teachers in the summer, the week before school started.  The meeting, which the principal attended, left me with a warm feeling... like this was really going to be the right environment for Clara.  In fact, I would have hugged her general ed teacher right then and there if I were the hugging type.  So... fast forward to the first week in November, at Parent-Teacher conferences.  Nothing but praise from the general ed teacher.  In fact, Clara hasn't really needed any extra special ed services.  Now here we are in the beginning of February and it's been relatively smooth sailing.  She loves school.  I don't mean to imply that she is displays model behavior all the time... but she has shown that she is capable of self-control (not that she employs it in every situation), which is a huge improvement over last year.  I credit both her wonderful teacher as well as her own maturation.  I hope that the remainder of the year flows along like this.

Lucas

Last year wasn't bad for Lucas, honestly.  He loved his teacher and being in kindergarten.  It was my perception of things that left it tainted.  I didn't like the way his teacher talked down to me.  I didn't like the way his teacher would tell me I should be concerned that he would wander around and then end up drawing at a table by himself, but never used her teacherly ways to guide him into interactive play.  I spent the year going back and forth wondering and worrying if he needed to be tested for AS... because according to his teacher, he was displaying a lot of the characteristics.  Let me just tell you that, yes, I know the Lucas that she was describing... but that wasn't the entire Lucas.  I won't now (nor could I then) hide my pure joy at discovering that Lucas was placed with the teacher that Clara had for 1st grade.  She was exactly what we needed then... and I feel that she is exactly what we need now.  I'm in the classroom at least twice a month, and I know that we are seeing the entire Lucas! 

Eli

Eli had a fantastic year last year.  His preschool teacher last year was phenomenal.  So, nothing this year was going to come close to comparing last year, so I immediately started questioning everything.  Was putting him in a 3-day program vs. a 5-day program the right choice?  Should I request a different teacher?  When I realized that Eli was the oldest in the class... then I really started having concerns.  Would he be getting kindergarten readiness skills in a classroom where all the other kids still had an additional year of preschool to go?  When his teacher started showing concerns that he still sucked his fingers, he was quiet and shy, and tired easily, I wondered again... is she telling me this as a way to convince me he's not ready for kindergarten.  Then at Back to School night, things turned around.  I was able to have a conversation with his teacher and she quelled all of my fears.  After a few more weeks, I really began to realize that she was the right fit for him and he is happy.  Lately, she has even been working with him one-on-one to help strengthen his reading skills.

I really just can't believe how great this year has been so far.  I also really believe that it took a year like last year to truly appreciate everything good about this year.

Now on to this bad habit breaking business.  Wish me luck.

My November

This poem, by Robert Frost, was shared with me by a friend.  It really encapsulates the beauty that is November.  However, all this beauty is annually overshadowed by what November means to most people... Thanksgiving.  I'm no exception.  Since about the second day in this month, I've been planning the menu for our feast.  Then there are the school programs and parties, parent-teacher conferences which all seem to take precedent.  And this year, I had the not-so-lovely experience of being without a washing machine for most of the month.  I think that my November could have easily slipped between the cracks of normal life.  But then I read the poem and I started to really look around and enjoy what November brings.  I took some time on our walks to and from the school to really savor November's beauty.  The littlest and I remarked almost daily on the different trees... which ones still had many leaves to shed and which ones already had their "winter look".  I found myself not complaining as much about the dreary and rainy days, and really noticing the resident rodents doing their winter prep.  So I thank my friend and Robert Frost for opening my eyes and letting me really enjoy my November.

And of course... now I want to talk about Thanksgiving.  My first Thanksgiving not travelling back to see family was spent with Jason in Michigan, wandering around looking for an open restaurant, then ending up back at the apartment heating up some frozen dinners.  My second Thanksgiving not with family was me trying to whip up a feast for two minus a turkey... not incredibly memorable.  My third Thanksgiving was a conscious decision to instill some tradition into my own home, which resulted in an extremely stressful day where I nearly starved my kids waiting for a turkey whose pop-up thermometer never popped.  So as my list of what I wanted to serve at this Thanksgiving grew and grew, it's understandable that I started to worry if I was taking on too much.  However, thanks to making some items ahead I truly felt like I had everything under control and not only was my day free of stress (I even had time to pause and cut Jason's hair), I was in the best mood I've been in a long while.  Initially, I was sad that we wouldn't be sharing our table with any family or friends (especially considering the amount of food I was planning to prepare), but then I realized that, in addition to the plethora of leftovers, I was practicing for the day that I host Thanksgiving... and that gave me a nice warm comfortable feeling inside that allowed me to stop being sad and focus on all the blessings that I currently have.

My Thanksgiving Day Menu:
Turkey
Stuffing
Gravy
Pumpkin Bread Pudding
Sweet Potato Casserole
Green Bean Casserole
Harvard Beets
Mashed Potatoes
Glazed Carrots with Dried Cherries
Corn Souffle
Cranberry Sauce
Hot Rolls
Veggie Tray with Bacon Dip
Pumpkin Pie









I realized something about myself over this weekend.  I'm happiest when I'm in the kitchen cooking... not cooking because I have to, but cooking because I want to.  This shouldn't be that 'new' of a realization, especially after all the cooking that I did this summer.  I think the realization evolved more out of the fact that I have been in this undeterrable funk for longer than I would like to admit and as I cooked and cooked and readied for our Thanksgiving feast, I noticed that my mood was light and relaxed.  And I've already started a list in my head about all the wonderful things that I plan to cook up with our leftover turkey.  Today I made a turkey pot pie that was absolutely delicious.  I'm looking ahead to a turkey and wild rice soup... yum!  Hmmm... what else?

My Heart... So Blue

This song randomly came on my mp3 player today while I was prepping for the holiday feast and suddenly I couldn't get you off my mind... not that you are truly ever completely absent.  I started thinking about what it would be like if you could come and share in this gargantuan feast I'm going to serve... how much you would love the sweet potatoes (my mom's recipe).  Yes, you would make a face first, but then you would try them to make me happy... and then you'd help yourself to seconds and maybe even thirds.  I thought about how you would talk to the littles and they would immediately love you... much like I do.

Yes.  I miss you terribly.

It's been three and a half years since we've said good-bye.  I know that it's been even longer since the last time we spoke... and it hurts every time I think about that.  But I try to think of all the good... and there is so very much of it.

I love how your smile was big enough to compensate for all my frowns.  I love how you influenced my listening horizon... a lot of what I still listen to is because of you.  I love how you brought me out of my shell (at least as much as you possibly could).  I love how you made yourself a part of my world... even when initially I resisted.  I love how you listened even when I didn't really know what I was trying to say.  I love how I can't go home without driving by our apartment.  I love how you've embedded yourself into all things tiki.  I love that you were my friend.

But I never got to say goodbye.  Were you looking down that day, seeing all your friends gathered in one place and wonder why I wasn't there?  I'm so sorry... I wanted to be there.  I try so hard to not focus on the regret... to focus on the sound of your voice the last time we spoke, when you were so happy that you just bought your first house.  The house that still holds everything you loved.  I did finally get to see it.  It's great... very easy to see why you were so happy.  You just sounded so content... life was going so good.  You were taken too soon and it's just unfair.  Completely.  Utterly. 

This is the first time that I've put any of my thoughts down.  It's been so long, I guess I thought that at some point the hurt would fade.  It hasn't... and now, I worry that by doing this, it will lessen how I feel, because knowing that your are still so present in my mind and in my heart, I would hate... HATE... for that to fade.

Yes.  I love you.  And I miss you terribly.  And I hope that you know that wherever you are.

All is well that ends well.

I attempted to plan out our summer, similar to last year.  Last summer was so successful and we already had the list of the places we wanted to see and the things we wanted to do, so it was actually pretty easy.  What we didn't count on was Jason's job coming to an end... or at least an anticipated end.  So saving money and trying to do some things around the house became the priority... and our fun planned summer came to an abrupt end.  I was depressed about it for about a week and then I completely engrossed myself in our Around the World Tasting project (which I'll mention again later). 

And even if we had been free to follow our summer agenda, the infernal sicknesses that we dealt with would have limited our going and doing.  Between the strep and the colds, Clara tested positive for mono.  Now who knows how many kids are out there walking around with mono... since it has the same symptoms as strep and you can only test for it with a blood draw.  So the fact that Clara's doctor is one of the few in our area that draws blood any time you go in for a sick visit makes me wonder.  Anyway... it's not really important other than the idea that "having mono" still carries a stigma and is highly contagious.  Luckily, the boys didn't contract it, but I did leave the doctor's office wondering how in the world I was going to quarantine the girl.

This was the summer that Lucas got glasses... and he looks so good in glasses.  This summer marked the end of dance classes for the kids... thank goodness their recitals were so enjoyable.  This was the summer that our car, while parked, got hit on two separate occasions... both times by hit and run drivers.  This was supposed to be the summer that I got our house in order and decluttered... and here it is fall and I'm still not done.  Mostly though, what defined this summer was the uncertainty of what would come next for Jason's job... which is still not clear... though at least now the thought of him being unemployed/unemployable is not an issue. 

A new look

"Going to the Chapel"

"Sea Cruise"

I don't want to make it sound like our summer was all dullsville.  It definitely wasn't.  We did get out a few times.  We visited Fort Washington, went blueberry picking, went to see the fireworks, celebrated the 150th anniversary of the First Manassas, had our day at the beach, checked out the local spraypark, and toured the Library of Congress. 

Fort Washington Battery

Blueberries!

Celebrating the Fourth

Fife and Drums at Manassas Battlefield

North Beach

Clara at the spraypark

Library of Congress

Of course the biggest part of the summer for me was spent in the kitchen.  Our Around the World Tasting project was created as something to focus on this summer, since we weren't going to be doing a lot of traveling.  It all started with the purchase of a book from the library book sale, The Kid's Almanac of Geography.  We were flipping through it and there was a couple of pages dedicated to the popular foods from different countries... and Clara and I started drooling over some of the items listed.  So I came up with the idea to try making them as long as the kids did something educational along with me.  So Clara chose 12 countries and away we went... without moving.  Lucas created the country's flag and both kids had to research 5 interesting facts for each country.  We also hung our huge wall map in the dining room, so that the kids could get a real sense of the countries' locations. Clara created tiny little thumbnail-sized flags to attach to the map.  The project was a complete success.  I truly think that we all got something out of it.  In fact, my idea has spread... at least three others have told me that they are going to do this sort of project with their families next summer.  And what I discovered is that this is actually a big deal online.  There are people out there who are trying to create a meal from each country on the globe.  Anyway... it's been over a month since the project ended and at least three weeks since I took the wall map down and we all still find ourselves looking to where the map hung when geography enters the conversation.  I created and kept a separate blog over the summer that was just about the project.  The Around the World Tasting blog was a way for me to keep a journal about not just what we were doing, but I loved having a way to record the kids' reactions to the food, and a central place to link to all the recipes that I tried.  There is only one thing that we would have changed.  Jason discovered this online language tutorial... and I think we would have had the kids learn just a few phrases in each country's language.

Oh the places we'll go...

As the summer came to an end, I knew that we needed to fit in a camping trip... no summer is complete without at least one camping trip.  So Labor Day weekend was spent in Shenandoah National Park... and it was a fantastic weekend.  We decided to explore more of the southern part of the park, which we haven't done before.  We did three hikes (two in the southern district and one in the central district) and we drove down to the southernmost point of the park, where there is not a visitor center.  The fog was incredibly thick, which made for some great pictures and some interesting driving.  And, yes, it did rain... but not the pouring down hard to see through variety, that waited for our drive home.  The family in the campsite next to us had a 9-year old girl that Clara bonded with, not to mention their 11-year old boy that helped Jason start our campfire.  We side-tripped to Shenandoah Caverns on our way home.  Caverns are just so fascinating and beautiful... and Lucas had been asking when we were going to go to another caverns pretty much all year.  The one thing that I will never understand about visiting caverns... why do the owners feel the need to kitsch them up?  Do they not truly understand how beautiful and perfect they are without the rainbow lighting?

The fog set in...

Clara and a new friend

Shenandoah Caverns

For the summer that really wasn't, we ended it with a bang!  And as I've pondered over previously... the way that something ends is the way that we remember it... so 'all is well that ends well' and we just had ourselves a fantastic summer!

Fireworks

I know I'm going a little out of order, but I wanted to post a few of my fireworks pictures.  So it turns out that there is a reward for working through every mistake and ruined picture that I take in Manual mode, and that reward is a night like this.  Happy Birthday, America!

All pictures were taken at ISO-80, f/22; I only changed the shutter speed.

Exp. time - 1 sec.

Exp. time - 6 sec.

Exp. time - 5 sec.

Exp. time - 4 sec.

Exp. time - 4 sec.

Exp. time - 5 sec.

Exp. time - 1 sec.

Catching up... in pictures.

I've been writing and rewriting a post that will get us current.  However, it takes me so long to compose what I want to say that every day I get more and more behind.  And now I'm so far behind that the task of catching up is too daunting.  So, instead, I'm going to take a cue from a previous post and just use a collection of pictures to tell the story.

December - A month of baking, decorating, Hanukkah, Christmas programs, Christmas, ice skating, and a really cool exhibit at the National Botanic Garden.

Hannukah

Christmas morning aftermath

January - A month of finding things to do inside while it's frigid outside.  The kids had loads of fun with paper airplanes and new craft projects.  We saw our first of many cases of strep this month.  And a boy learned the art of shoe-tying.

School cancelled due to ice storm

This is the look of success

Fun in the snow

February - A month of Valentine's Day parties and Clara's 8th birthday.  I also witnessed a class of 3rd graders construct the great wall of China out of marshmallows and sugar cubes.

Happy Birthday to you!

March - A month of some warmer weather allowed for the first good car washing of the spring and a first visit to the playground.  Clara had her first piano recital.  Spring soccer started.  Eli enjoyed a trip into DC with me to see the beautiful cherry blossoms.

Clara's first piano recital

Cherry blossoms

April - A month of soccer, photography, beautiful blooms, an aquarium, a vacation, a preschool recital and a boy turns 6.  The photography club I'm in did a 30-day challenge, though I haven't finished... yet.  The kid's soccer games kept us busy every Saturday morning and going to RFK to see a professional game is always a treat... especially when it's LA Galaxy vs. DC United.  We also went on vacation over spring break to Great Smoky Mountain National Park, which I wrote about here.  Eli's preschool recital was very cute.  And last, but definitely not least, Lucas celebrated his 6th birthday.

Hiding behind my camera

Baltimore aquarium with some friends

RFK gang

Lucas' birthday

Eli's preschool recital

May - A month of more soccer, a visit to the National Cathedral, a walk through Arlington Cemetery, a hot afternoon of fun (including a rock climbing wall), and the end of Eli's first year of preschool. 

Lucas loves soccer

Clara loves soccer

Eli loves inflatable slides... and soccer!

Home

My heart is heavy.

On Sunday, May 22, a massive tornado put my hometown to ruins. We first heard about it from Jason's parents, during their weekly phone call. Initially, we didn't think too much about it, but then we stood frozen to the computer watching the Weather Channel streaming live. It was complete devastation. Seeing the hospital and the area surrounding it war-torn. Though we wouldn't really understand the full impact until the next morning when pictures and video were being posted online and aired on TV.

That night, Facebook was my lifeline to my friends and family back home. I kept refreshing just to check for new status updates, where each "I'm OK" was a sigh of relief. Getting in touch with my mom was almost impossible with electricity out and cellphone usage limited. Finally, talked to her at nearly midnight. That's when I found out that my sister was at work during the storm. Her car windows were busted out, but she was lucky that was the only damage she suffered. I think what struck her more than being witness to the actual storm was having to drive home through the aftermath. By the next day, I had heard from all but a couple people... and until I finally heard from them, the worry was all-consuming. Houses were gone or seriously damaged, but the people were safe. That simple fact is truly amazing when you consider that Sunday night the number of fatalities was 34 and now it's over 130, with more than 100 still missing and unaccounted for.

I feel like a piece of my history is torn away. This is the town where I grew up. I've walked those streets and hung out in those houses. I've played on those playgrounds and sat in the waiting room of that hospital. I've shopped in those stores and eaten in those restaurants. This is the town where I made lifelong friends. This is the town where I met and fell in love with my husband, whose family is rooted there. I watch mother nature's wrath on the news; Tuscaloosa, Fukushima and many others, but nothing can compare to seeing this town that I have a personal connection to in ruins. Granted, I have not always loved Joplin. Growing up there, I wanted nothing more than to escape. Escape the small town life and the small town minds. My friends who stayed, I felt sorry for them, as I considered them trapped. Now as an adult, I see the beauty in the small town and the connections it offers. And I've seen how those friends I once thought trapped have flourished and thrived and helped to make the town better. I sit here heartbroken for a city that I was once so anxious to leave... now all I want to do is go back, go back to help.

I feel so helpless sitting here just reading about it. And my day-to-day routine hasn't changed. I feel extremely conflicted for that... guilty for continuing with life as normal and relieved that I have these things to distract me from the overwhelming sadness.

I wanted to include links to some of the blog posts I've read from others about this tragedy.

My Hometown (this one was my favorite... his words expressed my feelings exactly)
Joplin Tornado
45 Seconds

Also... linking to some pictures taken by a friend of a friend. As descriptive as the pictures are... I can't imagine they even come close to the real thing. It just makes me cry.

Pictures 1
Pictures 2
Pictures 3

I would like to close on a positive. I was thinking this morning of other cities that have suffered in our history. The Great Chicago Fire of 1871, which destroyed 4 square miles of downtown Chicago, and the city came back better than ever. The Loma Prieta Earthquake of 1989 that severely damaged areas of San Francisco, and that city came back. Hurricane Katrina in 2005 threatened to wipe New Orleans off the map, but they are rebuilding and in the process of coming back. So, there is hope that Joplin can come back, too. Maybe better than before.